Diary
by RianSveinSnape
Summary: Harry finds a diary that may possibly hold answers to some old questions. Warning, light SLASH


**Title**: Diary  
  
**Author**: RianSvein  
  
**Rating**: PG-13  
  
**Summary**: Harry finds a diary that may possibly hold answers to some old questions.  
  
**Warning**: Some fluff with a touch of angst. Barely implied het pairing, and most definitely a SS/HP pairing. If you do not like the thought of slash, please do not read this fic. All flames are used for my fire which burns regularly within my room.  
  
**Disclaimers**: I own nothing within this entire fiction. It all belongs to J.K. Rowlings. Just borrowing them for a bit, to satisfy my irritating muses. XD  
  
**Notes**: There's really no time frame that this takes place. Though I guess you could say that they are all in their 7th year. Also, this fic was inspired by the song "Diary" by Bread.  
  
  
  
It was the beginning of Christmas break, and almost everyone had gone home. Only a few students from Ravenclaw, and a few from Hufflepuff stayed at Hogwarts. Aside from Ron, Hermione, and me, only a couple younger year Gryffindors were staying for Christmas. Although, with the defeat of Voldemort at the beginning of last school year, many of the Slytherins were left without any legal guardians. About 25 of them to be exact. Being that most of them were in their final years at Hogwarts, the Ministry of Magic has allowed them to stay at Hogwarts till they graduated and became adults.  
  
Today, like the past few days, has been boring. There was nothing to do. So today found me outside walking the school grounds, though very far away from the school, alone. No one would wander this far out. It's too cold to stay out that long. But I was bored, and even with forty-something students and staff here, you couldn't find anyone in the castle.  
  
As I neared the other end of the lake, I saw something half-buried in the snow. The only thing I could tell was that it had a bit of a Gryffindor-red color. I walked over to the item, the tree next to it blocking most of the falling snow. As I knelt down to unbury it, I realized it was a book of some kind. It was open, as I could see the corners of the pages. But who would leave a book that they were reading out in the snow? So I dusted off the snow.  
  
I blinked. It wasn't just a book, it was someone's diary. And from a glance at the writing, it must be Hermione's. But why would she just leave it out like that? Open no less. I should pick it up and give it back to her. It would be the Gryffindor thing to do. But somewhere in the back of my mind, I wanted to read it. I wanted to know why she had broken up with me.  
  
Staring down at the diary for a few more moments, I had made my deciscion. I sat down, leaning back against the tree. No one would be looking for me at this time of the day. Not for quite a while anyway. I picked up the book, looked at it for a bit, then started reading.  
  
Each entry hadn't been dated, or even addressed. It was almost like a scribble book. Or a book of notes. As I skimmed over the words, there were a couple words and phrases that stuck out from the rest that really caught my eye and surprised me. So I back tracked to the top of the page and started reading it through.  
  
  
  
Sometimes I wonder why it took me so long to  
realize it. I mean, I've known him all throughout my  
time here at Hogwarts, but I haven't noticed it till  
only a couple days ago. But I guess it makes sense.  
After all, sometimes he is a bit annoying and irritating  
at times, but then I wouldn't be in love with him if he  
wasn't that. It's still a little hard to believe though.  
I never thought that I'd find the one that I'd fall in  
love with and want to spend the rest of my life with.  
  
  
  
I stared down at the first paragraph, my eyes widened slightly. It couldn't be possible. Although I don't even know when she wrote it, it just couldn't be possible. She never ever showed that kind of emotion in front of anyone. And if she really felt that way, then why did she hide it and break up with me? It didn't make any sense.  
  
Shaking my head slightly, I continued to read.  
  
  
  
Even though I'm sure I know what I feel, I can't  
let him know. Sometimes I feel like if I were to express  
it, it'd throw our current friendship away, or break it  
somewhat. Especially since I'm not sure if he really loves  
me. Sometimes it seems like it, but then it vanishes.  
  
  
  
I looked down at the book with an expression of vague understanding. I understand these things she says because it's what I felt once, and it is something that I, myself, am doing as well. But now I was confused as well. I don't remember ever being like that. But maybe, that is what she velived? And even though our separation proved to be final and so long ago, against my will, I allow myself a small glimmer of hope.  
  
Dragging myself from all these thoughts, I realize that I was staring at the end of that entry. Let it be said that curiosity killed the cat, for even though I would like to just go back to my almost empty dorm, my hand-out of it's own violation-was turning the page.  
  
I skimmed through the top half of the page. As I went, my eyes picked out random words here and there that caused me to stiffen. All I could do was read that part over and over as it sank into my head.  
  
  
  
It was hard, and I felt really bad, but I broke  
up with Harry today. He looked like someone he knew just  
shot him. At that moment I felt so guilty, but I know  
I'd feel worse if I didn't do it. Harry's my friend and  
I don't want to hurt him any more than I already have.  
All he could do was ask my why, and I couldn't give him  
an answer. If I told him that it's because I'm in love  
with Ron, his best friend, he probably wouldn't take it  
well.  
  
  
  
Tearing my eyes away from the book, I let it fall from my hands to the ground. Bringing my knees up against my chest, I wrap my arms around them, and resting my head on top of my knees, I stared out past the lake. My mind going over everything I just read.  
  
Hermione was in love with Ron.  
  
No matter how much it hurts, it made sense to him. And they look like they match as well. When I think of times when we were together, she always only seemed to be content. She never looked happy like how she felt when she wrote about Ron. And all that time... all that time towards the end of our relationship, she was already in love with my best friend.  
  
The tears slowly start to fall, and I do nothing to stop them. The realization that Ron and Hermione have probably been together since the end of last school year, and I neve rnoticed anything, made things seem harder to deal with. This all made me feel stupid. Stupid for believing that nothing else would change. Stupid for allowing myself to hope. Stupid for forgetting that almost anything taht could go wrong in my life, normally does.  
  
I was startled out of my thoughts as a pair of strong, warm arms wrwapped themselves around me. I instinctively stiffened and I was mad. Mad in general, but also mad at myself. How could I not realize that there was someone walking towards me. IN THE SNOW no less. Or that they sat down right behind me.  
  
'Or that my two best friends were in love with each other!' the back of my mind added. It was a voice that I try to ignore.  
  
I could feel and hear him whispering something against my ear, but I couldn't understand him. Shutting my eyes, I took a deep breath to try and calm down. It must've helped somewhat because now I could hear what my lover was saying, though it sounded like the end of the lecture.  
  
"Stupid, careless Gryffindor." he whispered as he pulled me closer against him. His voice held no malice, only concern. "You'll be the death of my yet, if I'm to constantly save you from catching a cold in the snow with no cloak on."  
  
Sighing in response to his comment, I recall a thought I had after reading the previous entry, and a wave of guilt goes through my body. In a way, I was just as bad as Hermione. Deep down inside, I'm know I'm truly in love with him, but I hardly ever show it in fvor for trying to hold onto all that was familiar. And now I wonder why he still stays with me, but I don't ask. If I ask, he might realize it as well and would want to leave.  
  
Pushing all of these thoughts and emotions into an empty room in the back of my mind and locking it, I set my mind on making sure that there is no repeat of the emotions I had once felt. I turned around in the embrace and hugged him, burying my face in his chest.  
  
"Oh god, Sev... Severus, I'm sorry. I've been such a git." I said, sobbing slightly. The words were muffled, but the comforting embrace pulling me closer told me he heard me. "I love you, Sev." I mumbled as an afterthought.  
  
He didn't say anything, and I started to panic, thinking that I shouldn't have said it. I started to pull away, but his arms prevented me from doing so and pulled me back against him. He bent down so that the side of his head was leaning against mine.  
  
"I love you too, Harry." he whispered, before kissing the side of my neck and laying his head on my shoulder.  
  
Something sparked within me as I heard the happiness and love that laced his voice. I've never heard him say it like that before. And for the first time in my life I truly feel happy, at peace, and loved.  
  
I pull away a bit, just enough so that we were no longer touching. Severus lifted his head up to look at him. Shooting him a genuine smile, I then lean forward and give him a soft kiss on the lips briefly, before leaning back against the tree, watching him.  
  
He stands up and brushes all the snow off of his robes before looking down at me. "Come on Harry. Let's go back inside." he says, offering his hand.  
  
I was surprised, but grateful, that he didn't ask me what happened. I'm not sure I'd be able to say everything I want to right now, if he did. 'I promise that I will explain everything to him when I'm ready.' I silently vowed as I reached for his hand and pulled myself up.  
  
He wraps his cloak around me and his arm around my shoulder, pulling me against him, as I move myself closer to his warmth and wrap my arm around his waist. We slowly head back up to the castle. The idea of having to tell him eventually doesn't bother me, as in that moment, my mind was set on making up for all the time with him that I had lost.


End file.
